6. What Do I Know About Romantic Love?
4 Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. - 1st Corinthians 13:4-7, the Apostle Paul
What do I know about romantic love? Not as much as I should. I can tell you that I pursued it until I found it. I'm prone to making small romantic gestures (small gifts, surprise meals at restaurants, cooking dinner for just that special one) but I've never made a grand one...that's just not in my nature (no surprise trips to Cozumel or Bahama, etc.). I can tell you that I've used the phrase "I love you," only when I've really meant it, and believed it with my whole heart. Being so shy, if I said those three words, the feeling was definitely genuine. It took a lot for me to say those words, not because I didn't mean it, but because I was so extremely shy. I always assumed if those words were returned by the object of my affection that they felt the same way. Once that was not true apparently, and the second time I heard it from a girl, it definitely was. My advice is not to use the phrase "I love you," unless you absolutely mean it, feel it, believe it. When "I love you" is used falsely, it can cause tremendous pain in the inevitable aftermath. I also dated another girl between those two mentioned above, who never used those words "I love you" even though I loved her. She dealt with me honestly by not using the phrase, which I've grown to greatly appreciate. I learned the hard way that love affairs don't always work out. That can hurt greatly. I also learned that you can't keep someone you love from going to another if they don't return your love. And if you truly love them, you should hope they find what they need, want and are looking for, even if you can't provide it. That may not be an easy thing to do, but it is the right thing to do. Then it is time to wish them well, and to move on and look elsewhere for that true love that will be returned to you. I've also learned that when that true and lasting love is found, it will be the greatest experience in life. I feel very, very, very lucky to have found that love. I also feel no malice or anger toward any girl that I dated where things didn't work out. It was just never meant to be. But the process proved disappointing at best, and extremely painful at the worst when things didn't work out. I now think some heartache is unavoidable.
If you are looking for insight into understanding women here, stop looking. I'm still as mystified by the workings of my wife's mind as when we first met twenty-nine years ago. I have no such insights, except that when Valerie was pregnant, I was even more clueless. My wife doesn't think in the manner I do. That's not to say the decisions she comes to are wrong, but they are arrived at via a different process. We actually often end up making the same types of decisions, but for radically different reasons. The one good thing is that we've always thoroughly discussed any major decisions that affected us and came to agreement as to a course of action that we should take. The reason for this is simple. Valerie is my true love, and I'll not do anything that will damage or hurt her. She is part of me, and I am part of her.
I've lived through one serious romance each, for both of my daughters. I tried to tell them of the potential pitfalls, but I wasn't really listened to until things fell apart. Then the inevitable question posed to me was that unanswerable "Why?" All a parent can do is to try to make their child see that long term success for that relationship just wasn't meant to be. That is a difficult task, and I truly didn't know what to do to relieve my daughters' anguish, except to encourage them, and tell them that patience is a necessity. Finding the right partner isn't something that can be rushed.
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