A Shy Man's Tale. 10. Conclusions

A Shy Man's Tale. 10. Conclusions

“A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking” - Arthur Bloch

Well, perhaps this is where I've gotten tired of writing. I don't have too much more to say. It has taken me 55 years to reach the point, where I feel fairly socially functional (and unfortunately I've lost a few parts along the way, leaving me not quite as physically functional as I once was). I can interact socially with just about anybody these days without too much discomfort. I've learned to overcome those shy characteristics that dominated my interactions with others when I was younger. Does that mean the impulse to run away and avoid the interactions has left me? No, that is still there. I'm able to overcome that first impulse now, though. When I was younger, I often wasn't able to overcome the impulse to retreat. That first impulse to retreat (even though I rarely act on it now) is why I still consider myself to be shy.

The part of me that is introverted, that thinks long and hard before speaking or acting is unlikely to ever change. That is just who I am, and the way I function. And there is nothing at all wrong with that. I am not an impulsive person because of that.

I often have a cynical way of looking at things, but I'm never bitter. I like to subscribe to Faulkner's definition of an optimist: one who expects the worst, and is pleasantly surprised when it doesn't happen. The only truism I've found in life is that things can always get worse. I'm happy when they don't.

I am happy overall. I think things are relatively good (even when others perceive my life as being horrendously hard). I enjoy my family. I'm very happy to have found someone I love and who loves me. I'm happy to have found a career that fits my skills and abilities. Could things be better? Of course, but it is not necessary for me that they do get better. Even without that, I'll have considered myself to have had a successful life.

I guess it has taken me this long to become comfortable in my own skin. Writing this rather introspective narrative has focused on some things I've ignored or not really taken seriously. I now understand myself better. So just for that this narrative has been of worth to me.

“Reasoning draws a conclusion, but does not make the conclusion certain, unless the mind discovers it by the path of experience.” - Roger Bacon


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